The screams I hear within my head, they haunt me…
They’re my screams that day at work.
They’re my screams that day in the hospital.
They’re my screams the next day coming home without her here.
These screams, they make me so angry.
These screams, they haunt my soul.
The tears, they drown my face…
The tears, they speak the words I can’t get out my mouth.
The tears, they are always waiting, waiting to be released.
The tears, they make me so angry inside.
The heartache, it’s like no other I promise you.
The heartache burdens my chest, weighing it heavy.
The heartache, it feels as if I am dying inside.
The heartache, it’s as if someone is squeezing my heart nonstop.
The heartache, it makes it hard to breathe, hurts from the
pit of my soul.
The heartache, I will never get over, & it makes me so angry.
The things people say
to comfort me; most I do not want to hear.
She’s in a better place they say, my anger wants to scream,
no the hell she isn’t.
She’s always with you they say, & my anger wants to scream, I don’t
see her, smell her, feel her , can’t change her diaper, can’t feed her a
bottle, can’t take her a bath, so please tell me where & how she is with me.
God needed an angel so he took her they say… The anger, oh
this anger, it screams whyyyyyyyyy?
It screams why didn’t he just make a damn angel, why my baby
girl.
This anger, it screams all the time, it screams, give her back
to me, it screams it’s not fair…
This anger, it screams for what was I always such a good
person if I’m being punished anyways…
This anger screams, it screams you’ve taken enough from me…
This anger burdens my heart & soul.
It clouds my judgment.
This anger is taking over me…
This God we all speak of…
This so high & mighty, I’ve prayed to over & over,
for my children’s safety, for my children’s health, for the safe being of my
family, this is the god that took my daughter.
Tell me why should I pray again; tell me why should
I understand.
Tell me why she’s not here with me. He is God, why not tell
me, and tell me now…
Yes it is understanding I seek, reason I look for & they
say don’t, because we may never know & I say why not?
What do I believe in anymore, I can’t even answer that. Yet
most days I still find myself praying.
Most days I still find myself talking to this God.
This anger I cannot let go of & in a sad way it comforts
me because if I am busy being angry then for those moments I am not sad, only angry…
Sad I know, it’s all too sad, this journey I am on…
So lost & hurt, not knowing anything anymore…
I simply ask why…
With no answers given, I just remain, holding on to this
anger…
This anger that brings me comfort on my worst days…
