Judge Without Understanding

I don’t expect understanding

In fact I expect the judgment

I expect the whispers

Because I know there is no understanding

When you have emptied your home of every piece of clothing that belonged to your daughter you buried, then maybe I could see you understanding.

When you wake up still 4 months later looking for your daughter, then maybe I’ll say you know.

When your world is no longer the same because you’ve lost a huge part of you then you will see.

When you have carried a child for 9 months, given birth & given your everything to protect that child & have to lose them, then maybe you will know.

When every event your child is missing from hurts you,

When every second you’re breathing your heart is aching then you can understand.

When you start to see your daughter in every baby you see, then you will get it.

When you’ve tried to block out everything to avoid a break down,

When you need your mother to talk to & you realize she isn’t there either,

Then you will understand.

You will know what my pain really feels like.

You will know why nothing you say or do affects me in every way.

You will know your opinion of me doesn’t matter to me.

You will know I expect you to judge me, because you know no better.

Because you have no clue how my heart aches.

You have no idea the loss I feel as a mother, daughter, & a friend.

When you close your eyes & see the day you gave birth so beautiful & then close your eyes & see the day you buried your child so painful, then you will see why you are so small in my life & why nothing you say bothers me.

Because truth is, my world is bigger than you are.

My problems are more important than you & my life is about so much more than what someone has to say about me.

You don’t understand me, you sit & judge me because to you, you’re so much better than someone like me but me, this woman you judge…

You have no clue who I am & what I am faced with…

& I am stronger than you will ever be.

So sit there & judge, with out understanding.