My Battle Moving Forward ::

So, i have been battling these feelings inside of me lately...
This craving for a baby & I can't help but wonder why exactly...
Is it because I've lost my baby girl going on 2 months Saturday?
Is it because my body knows I would have a 5month old as of Sunday coming up?
It is because deep inside I need to give this love to someone?
It is because my family just doesn't seem complete anymore?
My life has made a 360 degree change in the pass 2 months & I've messed things up big time in so many ways...
But for the most part I can't even seem to care that most of it is for the worst..
I only seem to want a baby.
Some tell me to wait its too soon..
Some tell me it may have a negative affect on me...
Some say its not the right thing to do...
Some say no
Some say yes
You know what i say
I say I don't know what the reason is,
I don't know why I want a baby so soon.
I don't know if i will.
I don't know if its the right or wrong thing to do,
But I do know if i do...
My baby would be loved by US & that's all that matters.
My baby will never need no matter how hard things got.
No one else would be helping or supporting our child so its no one's decision but ours.
No one is hurting as much as we are for our loss. (although many are hurting)
This battle is mine & mine alone & well my husband's, I would need him ;)
My cousin recently had a baby a few days ago, I couldn't go see him, I couldn't bare the thought of holding another baby, because the last baby I held was my Gisselle.
I cried at the thoughts alone BUT today I wok up & said i need to see him...
So, I did &&&&& Oh My Gosh, I fell in love, he didn't smell like my Gisselle & he didn't quite feel like her but he was Noah to me & I knew this is great, I am okay to be around babies...
I filled with love & Its not quite a healing but it is a step forward with one of my battles =)