OUR NUMBER 5 HAS BECOME A 4; OUR SPECIAL 3 IS NOW A 2

          & Then there were 2, our perfect family of 5 has become a family of 4 in a matter of seconds… Most days went as follows; my husband slept in the morning while my 7 year old was at school, I attended to my girls, one being 18months and the other 3 months. This is all we knew, our children, making bottles, changing diapers and doing homework. My husband would wake up; by then I am dressed for work and my girls are dressed to go. We load the girls into their car seats and pick up our son from school and ride out to take me to work.  Our car sits 5, the backseat consist of 2carseats and my son in between them, I’ve always felt so bad about it but he didn’t mind, those are his sisters, it seemed perfect. My husband drops me off and goes home to be with the kids while I am working. He feeds the kids and changes the diapers, best father I know. By 9pm I am getting out of work and my husband is outside with our 3 children waiting to take me home. I get in the house and 5minutes later he’s walking out the door for work. Everyone always ask how we do it with such hard schedules but the only answer is, we have no choice, it’s all for our children. We wouldn’t change that at all, no matter how tired we are. It’s a huge challenge but worth it, we make a great team.
         But now, there are no more bottles to make and less pampers to change. There’s less laundry to wash, less reasons to wake up during the night, less reasons to go running from one room to another when you hear one of the kids making noise and less reasons to love the baby section in stores.

Our perfect number 5 has become a 4 in a matter of seconds.

How do we stand these quiet moments when all we’re use to is always having one of the kids up to make noise.

How do we look pass the spot the crib use to be in, how do we look at the empty spot where the car seat use to be.

How do we take pictures of just 2 kids when it’s supposed to be 3 of them?

How do we sit everyday wondering what if?

How do we look pass all the little things that complete our days that are no longer around.

How do I do laundry and not see a size 3months in it, how do we shop for diapers and only get one size now.

How do we later explain to our little one that she once had a baby sister?

How do we pretend to be okay everyday while feeling as if a part of us is missing?

How do we remain strong for our other 2 when deep down, we’re dying of hurt.

How do we move pass what is every parent’s worst nightmare.

Tell me how please….

How are we to ever feel complete when our number 5 has become a 4?